Saturday, April 26, 2008
Starting Over
I'm back, but not for long.

Many things have happened since my last post. Among other things, these are what happened during the short period of time:

1. I graduated from college
2. I'm now looking for a job
3. I had a relationship which, Thank God, is over.

I do not want to elaborate more on these things, because as I'v said before, there are things that I want to preserve only for myself. So there.

I need a new layout. I need a new life. I need to fix things for myself and decide what I want. The past 4 months have been bittersweet for me. It took up all my energy that I have become so pessimistic about life. :(
 
posted by yhan at 1:04 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
Saturday, December 15, 2007
I Know Who Is
Who is the most fucked up? That was the last question I brought up from my previous entry.

I figured the answer to that.

Who else but the person who can't seem to entertain every guy who's interested with her. It's none other than the person who keeps wanting and obsessing about guys whom, in some twisted way, she can't have. It's the person who seem to can't get enough. The person who fears commitment and messes every relationship she has had. Vain. Apathetic. Self-Centered. Ice-Cold Bitch. ME.

And yes, this is a rant entry again.

A friend of my EX-EX-BF's friend called me this afternoon asking if he could fetch (duh, what a term) me from my school so we can go home together (who are we kidding?). Since we only had a seminar this day and since it's freaking Chrismassy season all around, I agreed.

Okay, that's not the type of chic I was way back. Typically, I'd just shrug him off. But lately, I have been very bold about my actions and honestly, I am not surprised at all.

We ended up drinking at a bar outside my school. There were 6 of us. It's all fun at first, until my not so friendly EX-boyfriend appeared. Turns out, they were going to get wasted too.. at that same fucking bar.

It's been decades since we last spoke, me and my EX. The closest contact I had with him was tonight... and it's when I was with somebody else. Given that we don't speak to each other at all, I didn't feel affected by the whole me seeing him, he seeing me in a bar scenario. I am just sharing this to kick-off a series miserable events.

The guy I dated ( if you call that dating) is really not a total jerk. In fact he is nice. He paid for all the booze, the pulutan, our pedicab and jeepney fare. lol. No seriously, I think he's a really nice guy.

BUT. There's always that annoying big BUT! haha.

But, I got scared of him. He talks about serious relationships, meet-the-family shit. For Pete's sake, that is so not me. I am still having fun. Loving my life as a gorgeous unattached chick. lol. If you're looking for a pretty nice little girl to take home to your momma and poppa you've got the wrong girl. Please.

I cannot be attached to anyone right now. Not yet ready for a relationship shit, that's ME.

Besides, I am still wanting and obsessing with another guy right now. How can I be in a relationship with someone when I want somebody else. I was talking to him through the phone while I was staring at my picture with another guy, the guy that I want. Sick. Sick. Sick.

You like me, I like him, maybe he likes somebody else. BUT maybe he likes me too. This is taking up my energy. I am gorgeous, but I admit, I'm such a superficial loser when it comes to these things.

And Oh, this is not a letter for Joe 'D Mango. gaaaah.

I died tonight again.
Merry Christmas guys.
 
posted by yhan at 1:11 AM | Permalink | 1 comments
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Quarter Life Crisis? Is it?
This entry can be included in the top list of what not to write after UNBLOGGING ( if there's such) for a long period of time.

An angst-ridden, sad, depressing, rant-filled entry.

OKAY, so here goes me.

The reason I haven't written anything in this blog for the past couple of weeks is because I really don't have anything interesting to share. I just can't seem to write anything at all. Honestly, there was a point when I thought that this is a short term effect of too much smoking and pill-popping. Yes I do take downers now.

So what have I been doing for the past couple of weeks? I am throwing away all the values I have gained from, as my mother would call it, CATHOLIC SCHOOLS. Let's describe it in a goody goody perspective, I am sort of like neglecting my responsibilities as a student and ruining my life. Too much booze. Too much smoke. Too much downers. And no, I am not addicted. Addicted is such a strong word. Dependent is perfect.

I have my excuse. I'd say I AM ENJOYING YOUTH because as far as I know I am not getting any younger. When schoolmates call me 'ATE', I get agitated. Especially those freshmen. My unsolicited advice is, don't you ever fucking call me 'ATE' you fuckers... We all get old, and when it's your time, I hope you get the same mocking respect as I get whenever you call me 'ATE'. and I hope you'll look a lot older than I did when I was your age. *evil laugh* No offense though.

I'm not sure if it's just me who's scared about getting old, graduating from school, getting a job, and all that 'I'm supposed to do' shit. Does money grow from tree? Definitely not. So where will I get the money I'll be using to support my 'fabulous' lifestyle? errr.. from a high paying job? So, what am I supposed to do after college? find a high paying job? Yeah, it's so very easy to say.. easier when imagined. I just don't know if that high paying job will make me happy. That's where the problem is.


I just feel heavy now.

I am sad.

Really.

my vices are just short-term solutions.

And I am fucking depressed.

Everyone I talked to are either finished with their THESIS or at the finishing stage. I , on the other hand, haven't started anything yet.

Phew.

;(

I want to disappear in some fuckng weird way. Right now.

Maybe leave everything behind and disappear in the mountains. hahaha. fuck that thought.

++

I have this thing. For this person. And he doesn't know it yet. And I don't think he will fucking care. I do like him. I doubt he likes me too. I am sad because I don't want to leave school for christmas vacation without being with him again. *song plays 'we'd get on by kate nash'* ahahahha. you like me, i like him, maybe he likes somebody else. who is the most fucked up? hahaha.. fuck.
 
posted by yhan at 9:09 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
Friday, November 09, 2007
Just Like That

It was 11 pm. I was slurping on my sundae while aboard a jeepney bound for Kalentong. I was tipsy. One of the things I hate about drinking booze around the university’s vicinity is going home tipsy. I hate the way other commuters look at me. It’s like they think I am crazy or what not. You know what I think? I think they don’t have anything better for themselves which is why they’re trying to get a piece of my drama or tipsiness or whatever you call it.

Today was one of the happiest bonding sessions we had. My classmates and I. We were drinking at some bar just outside our school celebrating youth. Yeah. Right. Celebrating youth is what you call it when a professor decides to ditch your class and you and your classmates end up getting wasted at some random bar where they sell Red Horse or Colt 45.

The point is that while riding the jeepney, all that’s in my head is the bitter fact that LIFE is too short. I just found out that my grandma’s sister’s husband just died. And it was very unexpected. Just like that. Our body deteriorates just like that with or without us being aware of it. Of course we all know that one way or another, our bodies will go to rest permanently . The sad part is we cannot predict when it’s going to happen nor can we put it to a stop as it happens. If your time’s up, you’re done. Just like that. Tragic, this reality of life.... as well as tomorrow's hangover.

 
posted by yhan at 12:39 AM | Permalink | 0 comments
Monday, November 05, 2007
OVERWHELMED
This is a very tiring Monday. I feel overwhelmed with events as well as with choices I have to make. MONDAYS never really appeal to me.

++

SELF-FULFILLMENT OR JUST ANOTHER CASE OF IMPULSIVE THINKING?

My dilemma started last sem break when I did nothing but look for part-time jobs in Jobstreet.com. Aside from over-analyzing my schedule this second semester, I really had nothing better to do then. I even posted my schedule which obviously shows my super free time. It is one of the things I did during my sem break. Yes, I looked for work out of boredom. Or perhaps out of fear. Fear that if ever I am faced with yet another super free time, I'd start pulling out my hair and eat them one by one. eeew. morbid.

Yesterday, the company which I applied for informed me that I am qualified for an initial interview. So I went to their office today, sat in an interview with the HR officer, and was told that I am recommended for a final interview tomorrow. Damn, that was great. Being interviewed by an HR officer of a company always give me the thrills.

WHAT IS MY PROBLEM YOU MAY ASK?

First and foremost, the part time job requires me to work for a minimum of 6 hours a day, 5 days a week. I can do that absolutely. The schedule I picked is from 7am to 1pm. During normal days, I am still asleep within this hours. Which is why I think will not be that big of a deal. BUT, if i'm going to work from 7-1 then go to school from 4-8, I won't get enough rest. One reason that I wanted to get a job is to avoid myself from thinking too much about my future. I do my daydreaming everytime I'm physically doing nothing. With this schedule, there might be no more thinking AT ALL. My brain will not function properly by then.

Second, there is a bond of 6 months. It means I'll still be working for them a few months after my graduation. I really don't have any plans of working right away after graduation. But, the pressure I'm getting from my mom says the other way around. Also, if I fail to manage my time between work and studies, there might be no graduation AT ALL.

THE FUN OF HAVING A WORK.

The work that I applied for is a barista job. I have always wanted to become a barista ever since. It seems like what they're doing is so much fun. I mean, is there any job much easier and enjoyable at the same time other than making coffee? Plus, the great deal of people you will meet is incomparable.

THE CONCLUSION.

With the THESIS I am doing plus major projects and baby thesis which I will go face to face this semester, I will no longer pursue my 'barista career'. Seriously, I have very discouraging friends and family. They told me not to go after it since I might compromise my college life in so many ways. After all, they all have proven their points and it all seemed fair. They're a bunch of discouraging people with good intentions, I guess. SO. I. WILL. NOT.WORK. Maybe some other time. After my thesis perhaps.

++

After that I went to Badminton City with my classmates and smashed shuttle cocks. With body pains that seemed to have surfaced almost immediately, I headed to my dentist to have my rubbers replaced. There are a few thing I regret, one of which is having these braces. Anyways, this concludes my MONfckngDAY. Hope your day's better than mine.

Labels:

 
posted by yhan at 7:46 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
I Enrolled... For The Last Time.
After my thesis discussion with my thesismates, I went straight to the Seminary Gymnasium to enroll for the coming semester. Due to some circumstances, it was just the two of us who enrolled, me and my very good friend Herb.

Moi and Herb

It was disappointing when we needed to fall in line. I think they dismissed the system wherein all juniors and seniors can go directly inside the gym. Before it was only freshmen and sophomores who waited long minutes in the line for their PE/NSTP thing.


Thomasians waiting outside UST's seminary gym

It was still a lot of fun although the rain had gone tripping. With only one umbrella, we braved the downpour. Hence, we were soaking wet.

Ok lang mabasa. ;)


The Main Building's cross amidst gray skies.

Now, I am officially enrolled for the second semester of my last year. The final 19 units.

Labels:

 
posted by yhan at 9:16 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Almost Back To Black: The Good and Bad News
The BAD News

I posted my schedule this semester on my previous post. And all I can say is that I am gonna shove that post back into my mouth and swallow it bitterly.

I just found out earlier from my classmate who came with me at the salon THAT our most precious MONDAY will NOT be a free day ANYMORE. AFTER 3 1/2 years, we'll be obliged go to school on a MONDAY wearing our most lovely uniform.

The horror continues as I've told THAT MONDAY will be our THESIS & SEMINAR DAY and the class will start at 7AM. SEVEN AAAAAM. WHOLE DAY.

JINXED much? =\

I'm telling you, that schedule will be so hard for me to the point that it is almost impossible. How am I supposed to wake up that early? Sometimes I sleep as late as 4AM and I don't wake up until my neck hurts from too much lying on the bed.

I see myself waking up at 6:00 in the morning, fixing myself up within 30 minutes so I can leave
by 6:30 and tada! I am at least 15 minutes late for class. HAHA. I sure hope my professor will understand that I do not like to take command of my biological clock.

This is so RELIVING 2004. The scent and coldness of the early morning breeze. (Nostalgia alert!)

GOOD LUCK!!


The GOOD News

Thank God I still have good news left for myself. The good news is I went to Studio One Salon in Mother Ignacia Street. They suggested that I get Cellophane for my hair instead of Hair Dye because it's safer and it will not further the damage on my hair. So, I got rid of my JOLOGS uneven hair color and I am now officially almost back to black. Dark Brown baby! =D

Labels:

 
posted by yhan at 11:28 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
Thursday, October 25, 2007
My Last Schedule In UST


This is my 4th year 2nd semester schedule, my last schedule in UST. The BROWN cells represent my classes. The YELLOW cells represent my normal weekends over the past 4 years. Yes, classes in our college starts on Tuesdays and ends on Saturdays. Don't ask me why because I myself don't know why we start classes on Tuesdays. I'm just sure with one thing, having no class every Monday saves me big time from the 'Sunday Evening' feeling I used to get when I was in Grade School and High School.

Anyways, that's it. So you now understand why I need a job. I need to keep my sanity. I cannot keep studying for all those super FREE TIME. I just can't.

I wish sem break's over.

Labels:

 
posted by yhan at 2:37 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
Sem Break, Hair, and Job Hunting
Hi All. Apologies for not blogging often. The university's on a sem break, the last sem break of my entire life. I used to enjoy sem breaks, well who doesn't right? I remember when I was just starting out as a university student, I find sem breaks, Christmas breaks or other seasonal breaks comforting. For one thing, no classes means no quizzes, no studying, and no professors. What a relief it was for me. Since I was not the kind of students who loves going to class.

I said I was. But not anymore. In fact, this sem break makes me feel a shitty bumass pig. Occasionally, I go out with friends. But when there's no scheduled party or gimik , I just sleep during mornings and stay awake all night. The afternoons are the shittiest. For the past few days I am always online hoping to find an advertisement for a part time job. I have submitted my resume online at a coffee company hoping to get a position as a barista. And tomorrow, I will yet go to 2 other coffee companies to submit my resume.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Dang, I procrastinate a lot. Especially now I dyed my hair with some fancy schmancy color that, aside from not being evenly distributed, does not suit my skin tone. HAHAHA. gawwwd. You know what, I can't really function with this thing on, I can't go out of the house. I am planning to have it dyed with another color,this time in a SALON. My hair is long and thick and I don't care if I have to pay thrice than when I bought 5 dye boxes, I just want it to become normal again.

I'm also getting tired of partying. Partying all night is fun. Waking up the next day with a pretty major hangover is not. I can't be like drinking booze everytime there's a chance. That's why I am getting a job. Aside from being productive on my free time, I can also earn money, right?

Why not work on a call center? Why obsess on being a BARISTA? For one, my spoken english is really not the best. I also do not want to work in an office environment right now. Nor do I want heavy work that requires major thinking, I'll be doing that in school a lot. I just want something new and fun.

*cross fingers* I just wish some coffee or food company will hire me. =D
 
posted by yhan at 12:57 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
Sunday, October 07, 2007
See You All Next UAAP Season
Oo.Sabay kaming nalungkot ng aso kong si Chiyo habang pinapanood namin ang last two minutes ng Championship Game 2 between DLSU at UE. Gusto ko lang sabihin na lahat na ng kalaban ng La Salle eh sinuportahan ko na. Ateneo, UE at syempre ang aking alma mater na USTe. Tanong, bakit kahit anong gawin ko eh hindi ko talaga magawang suportahan ang team nila? Sagot, dahil sa isang player nila. Oo, magaling siya pero sobrang yabang kasi ng dating niya. Sino ba naman ang may gusto ng player na sobrang laki ng ULO? Ewan ko sa inyo pero pwede naman maging magaling ng hindi lumalaki ang ulo. Tulad ni JV Casio, di ba?

Pero gayun pa man, gusto ko pa ring i-congratulate ang buong DLSU community for winning the championship this season. Hindi biro ang pinagdaanan ng team niyo sa step ladder kaya siguro nga para sa inyo talaga ito ngayon. TAON niyo ito.

Saludo rin ako sa team ng UE dahil ibang klase ang pinakita nilang laban sa buong season. Kaso, gaya nga ng sinabi ko, eh baka hindi lang para sa kanila ang championship ngayon.

Sabi nga ng crush ko eh, 'everything happens for a reason' daw. Hindi ako masyado naniniwala dito pero sige na nga.

Sa ADMU, team ko pa rin kayo sunod sa USTe. haha.

Sa USTe, goodluck next season. Nafefeel ko mababawi natin ang championship. =D

Ito nga pala ang list ng aking top 5 favorite players this season:

1. MVP Jervy Cruz - Sino ba naman ang hindi magugutuhan itong player na ito. Mabait. Humble. at higit sa lahat magaling. MVP nga eh db? Congrats Jervy! You deserve it!

2. Arao - Gusto ko siya dahil magaling siya. =D

3. Borboran - Magaling magaling magaling!! Warrior talaga!

4. JV Casio - Mas favorite to ng sis ko kesa sakin pero GUSTO ko rin siya kasi AYOKO nga sa mga players na malalaki ang ULO. =D

5. Khasim Myrza - Malaki rin ang natulong niya sa pag-angat ng uste sa standings ngayong season 70. Pag-asa ka ng uste. haha. =D

at hindi pa jan nagtatapos. humahabol pa si....

6. Simon Atkins - Wala akong pakielam kung mayabang ka or hindi dahil hindi naman kita masyadong nakikita sa court. Mag-artista ka na lang kaya? Ang cute mo kasi eh. hahahaha =D Sino bang nanay at tatay mo? Bakit ka super cutie? hahaha. =D

So ayan, that concludes this season for me and for my blog. Peace.

PS: For my one million dollar question, sa tingin niyo sino ang sinuportahan ng nanay at tatay ni Coach Franz at Coach Dindo? =D

Labels:

 
posted by yhan at 5:55 PM | Permalink | 0 comments